Monologue

Who told you? Lexi? Just hear me out. 

The thing is that I tried to tell you so many times. I wanted to tell you. But I didn’t know how to tell you. I just wanted someone out there who still saw me as Lisa and not this strange new person. Our friendship matters so much. And I knew if I told you, you weren’t going to go and chase your dream… And I didn’t want to hold you back. I know, I know… how stupid and careless I was. You were always there for me and it was so hard to get through it without you. You don’t remember the times when you went a whole day without talking to me and I never held that against you. Or the good times where we would go out and sneak and stay out after dark and enough our youth knowing we were best of friends and nothing can come and break our friendship apart. I know things changed and now things are different. I don’t want this to ever go to shits just because I fucked up on my end of our friendship. Now we can enjoy the new chapter we have, and we can share these important moments now more than ever. Listen the way I see shit now is my life is different from yours. I wash and clean houses for a living just to make enough. My life consists of diaper changes, naps and bottle feedings and though her father walked away from us and didn’t give a fuck enough to stick by her or by me or better yet by us but it was an amazing experience and it was worth everything I went through. I had this imagine where I can give her up and continue with my life and go to school and have a career but the moment she was born and I held her in my arms I thought to myself “WTF was I thinking giving my baby away to shitty ass people that would never love her the way I do.” But … I don’t regret it at all. Life with her is so much better than live without her in it. You see I wouldn’t trade it for nothing in the world. I didn’t want you to see me like this. But we are here now and now that you know the truth, can you be her god mother? I’d love nothing more. I know you will love her as much as I do, I know she will have a friend in you the way I have, and I know you will be by her side like you have for me. Forgive me and thinking you would ever see me different. I know our friendship is so real that you still see me as the same Lisa.