I’m in Love Now

 

Eilah started choking as words tried to come out, her hands her sweating and went from hot to cold, her head was spinning like when she had ridden on the carousel for the very first time, her respiration was in and out like she had just finished running a race. She could hear her hearting pounding. The doctor just kept telling her she can go through with this or she can terminate but it had been already eighteen weeks and a decision had to be made that instant. She didn’t know how to feel about it or how to react to it. Did she deserve this? All she wanted was to scream and if not nearly die. What was going to happen? What happens to all girls at 17 who decide to have unprotected sex and nine months go by? The doctor stood there telling her the options she had while she felt her whole world fall apart.

“I need time to make a decision. Maybe speak to dad and figure it out” Eilah said.

“You are running out of options. There are ways you can go about this. There are other options like adoption instead of termination. We can find the baby a lovely family.” The doctor replied

“I said I need time!” Eilah screamed with fear. She was scared to lose her boyfriend and what will her mom and dad say or what will her friends and family say about her? Will Johan still love her even after telling her they are expecting a healthy baby boy? Only she would know when the time came.

As she walked out of the doctor’s office, a million and one thoughts came across her mind and some were of what could be the worst-case scenario. Morning sickness kicked in and she felt nauseous. She took out her phone and debated whether to call Johan to meet up and talk. She grew courage and decided to call.

Rings

“Hey baby, are you home?”

“Yeah, yeah I just got back from outside. Why what’s up?”

“Okay, I need to talk to you. But I can’t do this through the phone.”

“Alright baby just come over. I am home”

“Okay babe, see you in a few I am on Mount Eden, I will be there in 10-15 mins.”

“Bet”

Hangs Up

As she approaches onto the bus, she just can’t help but think what she wants to do about her situation. Her hands had never felt this sweaty. Her fingers started becoming wrinkly as if she had her fingers in water for a long time.

Phone Rings(Babe Incoming)

“Yeah baby I am getting on the bus, what happened?”

“Nothing just wanted to know how far you were because I was going to blast music but I don’t want to miss your ring.”

“Okay I am walking to your house now.”

“Ok babe.”

She walks up the stairs to Johan house reminiscing. She could remember the times she spent in the summer time outside listening to music and smoking some hookah and living life free and careless with him by his side. All she wanted to picture now was having a baby in that same picture. Would they still be happy?

“Hey babe” Kisses

“Hi baby, how was your procedure?”

“It was good, they hadn’t found my digestion problem but they found something else”

“Cancer?”

“No, thank god no.”

“Okay so what is it? You scaring the shit out of me”

Eilah didn’t know whether she wanted to tell him or just show him the ultrasound of their baby boy. So instead she did both.

“18 weeks, it is a boy.” shows ultrasound

“What the fuck, are you stupid? Wtf? How did this happen man? You lied to me. You fucking told me you were on birth control like you just ruined my life. You better do an abortion or give that baby away. I can’t care for you and that baby!”

“Johan, are you serious? What did you expect that every birth control is 100% effective, you idiot!”

“Nah Eilah, you either getting an abortion or we done”

When Eilah heard those words coming out of Johan’s mouth so rapidally, she felt so heartbroken and felt her world really falling apart.

Eilah’s Conscience “Really though wtf did I expect from a 19 year old who still lives with his mama and has no job, dropped out of school, and has cheated on me numerous of times? He wasn’t going to change. Nothing will change him.”

Back to arguing with Johan

“Listen, you know what, I am keeping this baby for me. I can give a less fuck if you are around. Don’t come around and stay away. You aren’t needed.”

“Eilah, PLEASE just do an abortion. I can be there every step of the way. I will take you and bring you back from the procedure.”

“No Johan. I am going through with this pregnancy with or without you.”

Eilah grabbed all her things and walked away and out she goes. As she walks down the steps, her head is spinning once again, holding on to this old rusty rail made out of wood, tears coming down her eyes, holding the ultrasound with the other hand and appreciate him. When she got outside, she looked up and said “Thank you for this blessing. I know I am young, and I will struggle, but he will make me a better me” as she holds her unnoticeable hidden bump. She goes home and Eilah’s mom is there.

Eilah walks in

“What happened mamita?”

“Nothing ma, I am just so tired and school has me stressed out”

“Are you pregnant?”

“What? What are you talking about ma?

“You are pregnant right? Just tell me.”

“Ma, I just wanna lay down and rest.”

“Eilah, just tell me! Are you or not?

“You want to know so bad? Fine, 18 weeks and it is a boy.”

“How many times I told you to use protection?!?”

“Well how many times I told you to help me get on birth control? It is like as if you wanted me to purposely get pregnant.”

“No don’t turn this shit on me because you and your little boyfriend weren’t careful. Well what are you planning to do because you are not going to be staying under my roof. There is too many of us and we don’t got space for more.”

“You know what forget you and this family. I will take my things tonight, but I am going to tell you the same thing I told Johan, do not come around when he is born trying to be a part of his life. You aren’t welcomed.”

“You are on your own.”

“Fine, I will leave tonight”

Eilah knew these were going to be the terms. She found a place by the grand concourse and it was a homeless shelter for families with children, single moms with children and pregnant moms. As she packs, she thinks the worst.

Eilah’s Conscience

“Everything will be okay. This baby will see the good in me. I will become a great mother to him and a phenomenal woman. He will be beyond lucky. Nothing and nobody will ever separate me from you baby. It is use against the world. We going to be good.”

When she finished packing, she starts making her way to the door and didn’t say one word to her mom or even look her way. Leaving her mom’s house made her feel hurt but very brave. A new start for me and you. I’m in love now.